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Hovis’ Friday diary: ‘It’s honest to say it’s that point of yr…’

  • Dear Diary,

    It’s fair to say it’s that time of year when you don’t know whether to be shedding or shivering, whether you want to be romping gloriously naked or screaming loudly for a tog 540 duvet, staying out all night on the green stuff or snuggled up in a stable with a nasty net (or not in my case but then I iz special). In other words – welcome to autumn. The month where the most overheard words on any yard are “does anyone know the temperature” and whatever the rug (or not) choice, it will undoubtedly be the wrong one within an hour. The months where riding at night under dubious shadow forming flood lights commences (or not in my case but then I iz special…and slightly blind…) and we once again on mass show that we equines can indeed spook at a corner with nothing in it if the light is wrong. Or we merely feel like it because you put us in the wrong rug…

    Usually for me this is the period where I am allowed to get a bit feral (mother uses the term hairy yak which I do think is unfair… possibly to yaks) before my Gok Wan-style transformation from feral to fabulous commences ready for Your Horse is Alive in November. There of course I ooze superstar sex symbol status – gleaming white feathers, precision clip and the naked merle grey innocence of a seal pup on a Greenpeace advert, such that I present my best side for all the selfies. Who am I kidding? Any of my sides is best, including my backside which mother will infer I am talking out of…

    As I have told you all I am going to Your Horse is Alive to promote book number eight with once again all of the money (every last penny) going to the charity Bransby Horses who do such an incredible job caring for equines abandoned, neglected and unloved. Sort of like me in many ways apart from the abandoned bit, and lord knows I’ve been trying to do a runner from mother for years. Honestly the amount of grass I am allowed at the minute would last most normal horses a shorter period of time than a jaffa cake lasts at a fight fighters meeting: I have to ration it to a blade an hour. The problem is you lot encourage her by agreeing with her “keep Hovis lean” campaign while you conveniently turn a blind eye to the fact to have a selfie with her you need to be in panoramic mode…

    That said I do like being a philanthropist so not only am I selling my new book which will be released on the Saturday of Your Horse is Alive but also selling new Hovis merchandise which also all goes to the charity. I was minorly concerned to see the marketing for the cult event which has me billed as an “influencer” along side a bunch of social media type individuals. Lets be clear peoples, I was doing this WAY before any of these people learnt the difference between insta and toaster and I don’t generate interest in something, I am the thing that’s interesting.

    Still mini-mother is all excited as apparently, she follows some of them – like whoopee. Seriously peoples she might follow you, but she’s picked up my poo for years which I think pretty much trumps most things…

    The weekend is one full of the biggest stars in the equine world and has always led to some amazing encounters which are frankly unforgettable. Be it Ben, Geoff, Ollie, Charlotte-whats-her-face-in-the-garden or Carl then meeting someone at the top of their game is daunting; and without fail they have all managed it very well…

    Anyways I am hoping many of you will be coming and will buy the new book. This does mean you might have to actually talk to mother but if you time it at busy periods then you might get away with being served by mini-mother whilst I slurp your Pimm’s. Don’t judge me – I’m just more subtle than mother trying to do it and trust me she would if she could…



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