Some of us have been called by Goldie to be instructed in crisis management. Finally, I thought, we will deal with the company problems, stop the senseless spending, improve services and focus on our jobs. Something like that.
This is what we were instructed to do:
Always protect the image of the company.
Never admit anything is wrong. Deny, deny and deny.
I asked what to do if we actually had made a mistake, but I was rudely cut off.
“Zorro’s Zecurity does not make mistakes, and if we do, we deny it and confuse the issue. To admit mistakes is exactly the sort of negative talk we must avoid. Only losers admit mistakes, and there are no mistakes in Zorro’s Zecurity, only unfortunate things that happens.”
Express sympathy and concerns about the clients feelings and experiences, but do not admit to any failures.
“This is how you communicate with the public: I am sorry you feel this way and I can assure you that Zorro’s Zecurity is committed to the best service in the world. If pressured about thefts on our watch, just explain that you cannot comment on individual cases due to privacy laws but hint that you know that Zorros Zecurity is in the clear. Try to refer all questions to Chat, our esteemed Spokes Dog.”
“By all means, don’t be weak and actually try to change something, that is a loser’s behavior. Unless the complaint is coming from a powerful person of course, then fix the problem quickly and publicly and apologize profusely.”